


My Dearest Patroclus

by ladybug114



Category: The Iliad - Homer, The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Implied Relationships, Letters, M/M, Patroclus is dead, achilles writes to patroclus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 14:53:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5669986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladybug114/pseuds/ladybug114
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"My dearest Patroclus,<br/>How do I begin? There is so much I want to say, so much I wish I had said to you, before… Well. You understand, I’m sure. All the same, I am sorry. By the gods, Patroclus, I am sorry."<br/>After Patroclus falls to Hector's spear, Achilles writes what he can no longer say in person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Dearest Patroclus

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually written for an assignment for my Latin class- a letter to and/or from a character in mythology. While the idea was inspired by The Song of Achilles, this is more Iliad-verse, and the Achilles/Patroclus relationship is implied rather than explicit.  
> Enjoy, and please review!

My dearest Patroclus,

How do I begin? There is so much I want to say, so much I wish I had said to you, before… Well. You understand, I’m sure. All the same, I am sorry. By the gods, Patroclus, I am sorry.

Do you remember what it was like for us before the war began? We had many years together, you cannot deny that. And they were good years, too, in my father’s palace, just the two of us. It seemed like we were normal children during those years, and we could almost forget that you were in exile and that I was the son of a god. We were only children.

Of course, that time could not last forever.

I am grateful that my father allowed you to join me when I was sent to train with Chiron. We learned a lot during that time, didn’t we? How to hunt and cook our own meals, what plants could be eaten, how to read the wilderness, and how to fight. Of course, I was already the best fighter in Greece, and you had little desire to learn, but now… Now, I wish that Chiron had taught you more. Maybe then you would have been able to save yourself from Hector’s spear.

Antilochus told me that you took many Trojans with you, Patroclus, before you reached the walls of Troy. He told me that you pushed the Trojans back almost single-handedly, that you might have turned the tide of the war yourself. He told me that your death was a noble one, that it took Apollo himself to knock you down. He told me that I should be proud of you, that I should be grateful for what you accomplished, that I should be rejoicing over the near defeat of the Trojans.

But how can I rejoice when I know I will never speak to you again?

I once thought that my anger for Agamemnon would never go away. For refusing to give up Chryseis, even to save the troops, and then for taking away Briseis, destroying my honor in one simple act.

But those things mean nothing to me now. I no longer care what Agamemnon did or what he does. I care only for Hector, for what he has done to all of our men.

And to you.

You know, Patroclus, that you are… were… my dearest companion, my closest friend. Hector’s life was over the moment he struck you with his spear. You know as well as I that he stands no chance against me, that killing him will not be hard for me.

But you also remember the prophecy, I am sure. My death will follow Hector’s.

I confess to you, Patroclus, that I no longer care. If I could trade my life for yours, I would do it in a heartbeat. Alas, the gods will not allow you to return. My mother tells me that your spirit has already been taken to the Underworld, that I have no way to get you back, to return you to the life that you deserve.

My only consolation, if I cannot return you to life, is that I can join you in death.

I wanted to go after Hector immediately, but my mother convinced me otherwise. I no longer have any armor, and although death is insignificant to me now, I do not wish to die before first slaying Hector.

Tomorrow, then.

Tomorrow I will go after him, tomorrow I will finally avenge you. I know it is not my destiny to breach the walls of Troy, but if Hector hides behind them, not even the gods will be able to stop me. Of that I am sure. I feel like I could defeat Fate itself, Patroclus. And if I must, I will.

Why did you refuse to listen to me? Why did you attack the walls when I told you not to? It was not your destiny to defeat Troy, either, and you knew that. Why, then, did you go close enough for Hector to defeat you? I have asked myself this question many times now, Patroclus. I wonder if I could have done something else to stop you, if I could have prevented you from going in the first place, if there was anything I could have done.

My thoughts do not let me sleep.

You are a better man than me, Patroclus. They call me “the best of the Greeks,” but I know better. You are more worthy of that title. You, who sacrificed your life to save our people. You, who found the courage to do what I could not. You, who softened my heart when even Pheonix didn’t know what to say.

You are the best of the Greeks, and you paid for that honor with your life. And I will never forgive myself for that.

I am… tired, Patroclus. Tired of this war, tired of fighting for Agamemnon, tired of fighting for Menelaus’s bride. It has been ten years too long. Maybe, if the war had ended sooner, none of this would have happened to us. Maybe, if the war had ended sooner, you would still be here with me.

My mother told me that I had only two choices in this life. I could fight in this war, and live a short and glorious life, or I could remain home, live long, and be forgotten. Ten years ago, that was an easy decision to make. I was young then, inexperienced, and of course I dreamed of glory. Now, I regret the choice I made. I would give anything to be back in my father’s kingdom with you by my side.

I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry.

I will see you soon, Patroclus, best of the Greeks. I will see you soon.

Yours forever, even into death,  
Achilles

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my [tumblr](http://www.ladybuglover114.tumblr.com)!


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